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Moshe says to his Rabbi: "Last week, I missed grace after meals."

"Why," asked the Rabbi. 
"Because I didn't wash my hands before the meal." 
"That's twice you've broken the law.  Why?" 
"The food wasn't kosher." 
"You ate non-kosher food?" asked the Rabbi. 
"It wasn't a Jewish restaurant." 
"That makes it even worse," said the now angry Rabbi. "Couldn't you have eaten in a kosher one?" 
"What, on Yom Kippur?"

Sidney telephones Rabbi Levy and says: "Rabbi, I know tonight is Kol Nidre, but tonight Spurs are in the European Cup

quarter finals. I've got to watch the game on TV." Rabbi Levy replies, "Sidney, that's what video recorders are for." 

Sidney: "You mean I can tape Kol Nidre"?

Moshe  goes to the post office with his letter for delivery. The postmaster weighs the letter and tells him, "This letter is too heavy, you need to add another stamp to the envelope."  To which Moshe replies "THAT 'LL MAKE IT LIGHTER?"- Harold B. Kane (circa,1990)
Yaacob asks his friend Samuel for the time.  Samuel answers him and asks why he  doesn't have a watch?  “Because”, answers Yaacob, “I can always ask someone else for the time.”  "But, what do you do if want to know the time in the middle of the night?", asks Samuel.   "I use my shofar." answers Jack. "A shofar? How's that going to help?"  "Simple", answers Jack. "I just open the window and start blowing. Soon the neighbors start yelling. . . . Are you crazy, blowing shofar at 3:00 O'clock in the morning!"  -  Natalie.